We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
