atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
