Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
