this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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