I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
