last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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