I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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