Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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