I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
