Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
