"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You took a bar mat shot.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize