My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
