i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize