she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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