I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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