Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
