I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
