he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
