She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
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Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
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yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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