The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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