btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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