Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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