ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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