Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
