Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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