Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I want her autograph on my taint
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
