At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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