What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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