it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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