1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
