i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
