Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have tasted many bathrooms
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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