Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
