let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
