my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
