i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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