When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
