You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
