Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I yelled at your uterus for you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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