all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
