i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
did i just pee glitter
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