Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
