my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
