she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I need a burrito and a hug.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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