Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
