If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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