Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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