she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
