thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
