i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
