whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
