Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize