i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
