BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
