I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
