I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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