He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
