so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
