I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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