The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dignity is for republicans.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
