Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
