Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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