70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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