how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
