he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
