marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
