I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
They have beer where we have blood.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
