Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
