Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
