I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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