escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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