I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
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you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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