i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
