Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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