so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
