Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
