I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
