I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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