um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
