Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
