Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
