rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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